random crying

Today has been a very hard day. I know I haven't talked about much but this miscarriage has completely turned my life upside down. Church is the hardest. So many babies and pregnant women. I just dread going. I keep thinking that I have things under control and that I am getting over it only to start crying all over again. I sat there during the whole RS lesson (which was on hope) and just bawled. Mind you that we have only been in this ward a few weeks and I don't know anyone. So everyone is looking at me like 'who is this crazy lady?'. During the RS lesson one sister said spoke up about her miscarriage being a low point in her life and that totally resonated with me. I felt like I needed to let her know what I was going through. I went up to her after class and we just cried and bonded over what never was. It sucked. It was great. She then came to my house in the evening and brought me this beautiful poem and a picture of Christ cradling a tiny baby. We talked for a long time. Crying for a lot of it. It is just so nice to feel like other people really understand what I am feeling. I know a lot of women who have gone through this and I never had any idea of how hard it was. I have so much more admiration for anyone who has had a miscarriage. I always thought if it happened to me I would be logical and unemotional. Uh, yeah. Not so much. It isn't like I am a total wreck all of the time. I'm not. But anytime I tell someone who doesn't know I totally break down. I think that it is okay. I think that I need to be okay with random crying. Maybe I will become better at appreciating how blessed I am. "Come What May, and Love It."